Can we fix it...

How do people actually DO these blog things. How do you remember to do it - I have been trying to keep a mood diary this year and have sooooo many gaps where I forget to do it.

I'm attending a CBT group and an Understanding Depression group at the moment (well not right now obviously - just at this time in my life).
Does it help? I don't know yet. The social side certainly brightens up my otherwise grey life. I have recently completed an Anxiety group and I do feel it helped so i'll stick with it and see how it goes.

Do I have Borderline Personality Disorder? Well thats how they diagnosed me so I looked it up online and found this:
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is one of the most controversial diagnoses in psychology today. Since it was first introduced in the DSM, psychologists and psychiatrists have been trying to give the somewhat amorphous concepts behind BPD a concrete form. ...

Linehan theorizes that borderlines are born with an innate biological tendency to react more intensely to lower levels of stress than others and to take longer to recover. They peak "higher" emotionally on less provocation and take longer coming down. In addition, they were raised in environments in which their beliefs about themselves and their environment were continually devalued and invalidated. These factors combine to create adults who are uncertain of the truth of their own feelings and who are confronted by three basic dialectics they have failed to master (and thus rush frantically from pole to pole of):

• vulnerability vs invalidation
• active passivity (tendency to be passive when confronted with a problem and actively seek a rescuer) vs apparent competence (appearing to be capable when in reality internally things are falling apart)
• unremitting crises vs inhibited grief.

http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/bpd.html

Is this me? ~???~

The following points certainly do seem to describe how I feel/think:

• low anxiety tolerance, poor impulse control, and an undeveloped or poor ability to enjoy work or hobbies in a meaningful way.
• have a sense of continuity and consistency about people and things in their lives. They have a hard time experiencing an absent loved one as a loving presence in their minds.
• chaotic, extreme relationships with others
• Repetitive self-destructive behavior, often designed to prompt rescue.
• Chronic fear of abandonment and panic when forced to be alone.
• Distorted thoughts/perceptions, particularly in terms of relationships and interactions with others.
• Hypersensitivity, meaning an unusual sensitivity to nonverbal communication.
• Impulsive behaviors that often embarrass the borderline later.

Though I acknowledge the above traits in myself I do not recognise some of the others mentioned in this article.

http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/bpd.html

None of this however addresses the extrmely uncomfortable feelings I get when people (including family members) touch me. Even a cuddle from the kids makes me feel squeamish. Yet looking back 20 or so years ago I would say that I was a very touchy/feely person.

I don't know where I'm going with this blog I just know that I want to explore me and my depression and this seemed like a good place to start. Hopefully I will be able to look more in depth at these points and see if I can describe how these affect me.