Bad Week

On Tuesday P fell out out with me and didn't speak to me from about 5pm. I find the strain of it just to much and for the first time in months I resorted to self-harm. How do you describe why? Its like the physical pain of having the scissors or knife bite into your flesh absolves the pain inside. The tension of conflict gives me an actual pain - like an elastic band round my heart - in my chest. I feel so disappointed in myself now. I had been doing well. On Wednesday I got up and went out for the day before he had even got up.
Whilst I was out Snowdrop (Our Albino lop-eared Rabbit)had her kittens. Unfortunately Flakey was still in with her. P went out to feed them and found 3 dead and mutilated kittens. One headless. He put Flakey back in his own cage but horses bolted and all that! When I came home I went and took the dead kittens out of the hutch. Couldnt find the head so I started to rummage in the corner when I heard a definite mewling and a small movement - There must be at least one baby left. I quickly covered it back up and just have to hope that Snowy won't abandon it.
Anyway P was very upset and he phoned me whilst I was out to tell me. When I got home it was like the previous night had never happenned.